GETTING WHAT I WANT AND COMPLAINING AFTER
i have been wanting to blog for a long time but lately, i have been between law books and sleeping over it, between work and skipping it, between pushing myself and getting disappointed after. i have been in lost in my life or what was left of it, and there was no space in between for things like blogging. so here goes…
so law school? yes, finally. there was a time when i was so lost with college and not graduating on time, with work, with my love life, that there is only one thing i was certain of: i want to go to law school. and here i am, i have reached the point where dreams become a waking reality and i am complaining. yes, i am complaining. whoever claimed that a human being is capable of genuine contentment is the biggest, most uncontented fool.
i am complaining because this choice entailed so many sacrifices. and i hate sacrifices. i have no social life. i am deprived of my weekly drinking session with friends. my salary is reduced to more than half. i can’t take any rackets. i can’t splurge. i can’t sleep for long hours (dozing off while studying doesn’t count, no?).
law school is difficult. that is an understatement. i have never studied or pushed myself to study this hard for a long, long time. nor have i taken anything seriously in the recent years. not work. not college. not my thesis. not my graduation. not the things that matter.
i have always been self-indulgent, always craving for short-term pleasures. i’d fail the marshmallow test had i been subjected to it. and i am afraid, afraid that the passion will fade and the enthusiasm won’t last. and all the sacrifices will be in vain.
